I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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