trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
