dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
