I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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