I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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