Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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