We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
