hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
