Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
