if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
