Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
