And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
