I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
