I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
