Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
