96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
