Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
