barbara walters just said penis...
He felt like a one man threesome
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
