WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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