I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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