just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
