Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
