When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Less talking, more tequila
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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