This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
