the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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