her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
