I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
