So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
