so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
