Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I need a hoe opinion
go on
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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