I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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