just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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