Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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