I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
