sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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