i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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