U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
