OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
