My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So vagazzling was a success
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
