You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
