"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
