Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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