my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
