i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
