My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
