Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
