he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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