chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
