I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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