Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
