So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
