i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
