The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
