i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
