so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
