Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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