His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
