My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
