So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
